Rotting Pears~

So about a month? three weeks? ago i bought a box of little cute snack sized pears. By a box, i don't mean boxes that may or may not be offered in grocery stores (do they sell pears by the box in grocery stores? I'm so out of touch with produce actually sold in stores because now that i'm a super apple/pear snob at this job of mine.... hehehee) but the box that i speak of is a wholesale sized box of pears. yeah. 158 pears nicely wrapped and packed in a pretty little case ready to be added to 48 other little cases stacked together on a perfect little pallet ready to be shipped on a semi truck with 19 other pallets full of the same cute little pears.

yup. i have 158 of these suckers to eat however i can. When they were less than ripe they were perfect for the juicing- oh my. delicious! a little tangy and a bit too tart with granny apples but a nice balance of acidity with beets and celery. yumm.

fast forward three weeks later. They're ripe now. Oh how they're ripe. they're almost to the mushy point. So juicy, so many pears, so little- no- NO time!!! i'm handing these babies to my little dog like it's christmas every day. the greedy sucker thinks the treats will end so he keeps hiding them and then i have to find them and toss them before they rot!! argggghh!!!

My mom and i eat like 7 pears a day.

ok, that's a lie. my MOM eats 7 a day. i look at 7 and guiltily don't eat any.  Why?

I'm not all that partial to pears.

True story.

So why did i buy a case of these bastards?

Meh- i was getting super hyped about the juicing :) and they're super cute. fits right into the palm of my teeny little hand teeheheheee..

After giving about 25 of them to a friend, and another 25 to another friend, and consuming about 40 in the last week and tossing a few of the bruised and rotted ones, we're down to about 40. My remedy is to just smoothie and salad the CRAP out of these guys..

Just found a recipe for an oats and pear smoothie. sounds DELICIOUS.

ingredients
ripe pears
milk
6 oz yogurt
1/4 cup oats
5-7 ice cubes
ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
pinch of salt

directions
blend all the shiz together until smooth.

I'm thinking breakfast tomorrow instead of my juice. in fact, i'm thinking breakfast every day until i get rid of these damn pears.  I'll be using raw milk and probably subbing ice cubes for frozen bananas and leaving out the yogurt for a little bit more milk.

For dinner? That's right!! pear mixed with some pear, garnished with slivered pears and topped with a healthy dose of pear!! wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

No dinner is more like kale salad with pear, cranberries, Gorgonzola and some white wine vinaigrette and a side of roasted brussel sprouts and pears. Chicken will have to be involved as my brother is going to be involved :) I'll work it out... lots of pears!!


I'm thinking maybe a pear and Gorgonzola pizza for tomorrow night. prep the pizza dough tonight as there is no gym with this month long flu. blech. so over it already.

bronchitis? yes, i'll take some great skin~!

So i've been sick for 25 days now. did i mention? did you know? did i post about it? probably not- it's become such a part of my life now {sob sob sob}

ok crying like a wretch aside, i got sick on new year's eve. on the job, through the job, and now the suffering continues after the job. ugh.

people at my day job look at me like i'm the embodiment of the modern boob plague. you know which one i mean. the really bad one.  i'm like no no!! i'm not contagious!! the doctor says i'm contained.... -said the first official victim.

don't freak out.

I really only have bronchitis and rhinitis.. NOW. i had something else before that. and probably something else that started it all. my friendly doctor says nothing really lasts this long. usually it's just a series of different viruses that attack in sequence once the system is down. these fuckers are hacking into my body while the IT guys are performing an upgrade.

fuckers indeed.

fuckers.

this word and its frequent usage in relation to these little body snatchers makes me... feel better somehow.

fuckers.

anyhow there is always a silver lining to everything, yes? in this case it is VERY pale, flesh colored lining. let me explain. Around the time i became sick, my skin started FREAKING out.... slowly.

imagine- slowly freaking out... like an escalating panic attack. manifesting itself as TEENY FUCKING BUMPS ON MY FOREHEAD. al;djal;djf;qaweoipruasdf

and no amount of lotion was helping. because after 24 years i've now figured out that such is the way my skin responds when it needs more moisture. teeny bumps. creating an incoherent essay in braille on my forehead. i know- gross. one more crack: if a blind person were to read my forehead they would tell me it's screaming in CAPS lock "HYDRATE ME MOTHER FUCKER!!" and the hilarity in the situation is that i can't read braille... so i wouldn't even be able to help myself screaming for help... HAHAHahahahaa........{bitter chuckle dying out...}

{sigh}

ok so how do these two afflictions relate? WELL ISN'T IT OBVIOUS???

now that i'm sick with dry brittle lungs (wheezing), inflamed in all airways (throat and nose), and mucus (thick coating everywhere), i'm doing EVERYTHING to flush everything out- i.e. drinking an OBSCENE amount of hot water, laced with honey, lemons, juiced garlic, ginger, and pretty much a produce aisle's worth of veggies and fruits via my juicer.

and guess what?!

still have dry brittle lungs, inflamed airways, and mucus.

BUT my skin is looking FABULOUS! i'm pretty sure once my skin is done soaking up all the excess hydration after whatever my body needs to stay alive.. the rest of my body will be able to divert a lot of all this goodness to the ailment in question.

because apparently my body's priorities are in line with my mind's priorities which is:

who cares if you're hacking up blood as long as you look beautiful when you do it. right? RIGHT? who's with me here....?

ugh, fuck you, body.

Come Boot Cha!!

WHAT IS THIS!?

it's a beverage. actually spelled Kombucha.

I shun this drink because this pretty little bottle full of VILE tasting fermentation is $4 a pop!! ARRGGHSHSH!!??!?!

This I told my long friend Crooz as she was describing how her babies were molding. (wtf??!?)

That's right. I thought, (WTF?!?!? BABIES?!? MOLD!?) but articulated aloud, "Ugh I tried komucha when I lived in New York and I think it's a silly fad that is completely overpriced for it's pretty little jar."

yeah, this crap.

DAMMIT ME!! another case of super quick judgment call. this time- i was wrong. From my one HORRIFYING experience with store bought kombucha, I had condemned all the wonderful bacteria that had never even met my belly or done me wrong!

I am shamed. and I know better now.

Kombucha is a kind of sweet tea that has been fermented. It has been around forever even before the pretty labels. I was referring to it is the name of the company that rapes peoples' wallets for vinegar tasting fluid (see above). But the reality is that Kombucha can taste wonderful and be ridiculously good for your daily probiotic/bacteria intake and it'll make your tummy smile!!

So, guess what?

My friend, as your friendly neighbor DIYer, I'm gonna make myself a nasty looking little Scoby at home to start my own batch of kombucha!! And it will be delectable!! and it will make my tummy giggle!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

I have since apologized and explained to Crooz my idiocy and ignorance. We are planning to make babies together of the scoby kind! we're very proud.

Mi Amigo

cover of the album

So lately I've been confined to a pretty limited playlist... and by limited of course I mean I've been obsessed with specific songs that I listen to over and over again.

An old flame I've rekindled is Kings of Leon's Mi Amigo. I love to listen to this song while I'm driving (or when I lived in the city- while I'm walking around) and when I'm reading, and relaxing, and eating, and pretty much doing anything, ever.


What is the appeal? other than that it's a great sound and great vibe? IT'S THAT I WANT A FRIEND WHO TELLS ME I HAVE A BIG OLD DICK!!!!

.... ok no besides that, everything else in the song. Where do i find one of these mystical beasts? I do have a girlfriend who is pretty much a mystical beast and is most of the things in the song but the thing with women is this- when they find their significant other, they disappear. Which is understandable and just how things are. Boys do that too. but basically you need to have a friend that is the opposite sex (notice the lyrics say "she walks my ass home"?) it's just the way it is. Harry, Sally, take a seat. You can learn something about this.

The problem between Harry and Sally is that there wasn't enough drinking, and big dick talking, and song singin'! Too much strolling, and comforting, and conversating. which is why they ended up MARRIED. do we want that!? NO!! we want an AMIGO not an ESPOSO!!

True story.

New life mission: I need to find mi amigo.