A New Ambition

I have decided that I must dumb myself down for the good of society. At least on paper, because apparently the newest epidemic after obesity, voluntary mental retardation by overly efficient and convenient handheld devices, and unemployment, is "over-qualification." I had heard of this growing disease while I was still in the process of becoming infected and did not understand the gravity of the situation. I am apparently TOO qualified - nay, OVERLY qualified - to grind coffee beans, push a button on the coffee machine, pour machine-brewed liquid into pre-assembled cup, seal with pre-sized lid, and accept bartering material through a window for the finished product. I would like to say that in fact sir, if you would look down my resume, you'll notice that none of my previous employers required I do any of above-mentioned actions therefore one could argue that I am indeed, highly UNDER-qualified for the job. In actuality, I am entirely over-qualified to read pre-K through 12th grade reading material and write underdeveloped, inadequately composed essays because my degree ensures that with my skill level I am capable of far more advanced analyses than what is required for such tasks. Yet as it is, in the realm of coffee brewing my degree has ensures nothing. I don't understand this new virus, but regardless I am infected.
Well, fuck all of that then. I shall erase my education and make certain that I am indeed COMPLETELY AND WHOLLY unintelligible, unambitious, underdeveloped, and 100% qualified for EVERY job in this damn town. Problem solved.

And speaking of over-qualified bullshit, I have decided that the critics at rottentomatoes.com can suck on my left STD infected ball because they don't know shit. Perhaps they too are "over-qualified" and never learned to actually watch for good movies and not just flashy graphics. How can they rate a completely plotless movie an 83% and a charming movie about re-starting your life and taking advantage of the opportunities that life present to you a 34%? Oh. Right. The first one has CGI animated apes that can speak. Obviously that is completely life-altering and ENTIRELY deserving of an extra 63% than the actual movie really is worth. Or course. Luckily, God and Buddha conspired to gift me with my own fucking brain and so against everything rottentomatoes.com would suggest, I watched both. On "SooJangles'-list-of-movie-ratings-tomatoes.com" the first movie gets a "don't ever watch again unless I am really ready to research talking apes and throw my life away" while I'll probably buy the second one. Wrong again. You can just suck it [my left STD infected ball that is] rottentomatoes.com. Neither your shoddy, inane, and baseless critiquing nor completely substandard criterion for ratings are needed here.

But what I REALLY wanna talk about... is my modest list of movies that I feel will enrich my life and enhance my understanding of movie-making and movie-watching throughout history. In a word: Culture. I am in the business of acquiring movie culture. The descending list begins at number 500. Don't worry, I've seen about 161 of the titles so it's not such an unreachable goal eh? It's a shame that I have seen so many movies and to think that only 160 of them are on this fancy list. How could I have wasted such time? Such energy?? Alas, it is a fool's destiny to work twice as hard as those who are the wiser. I am not going to post my list on my blog... because it was created by Empire Films and THEY have a list. All pre-typed up and with fancy pictures! WOOT! You can look up THE LIST here! Enjoy yourself, and tell me what you think. Any other suggestions?

P.S. My poo-unconscious post inspired a little story the other day. I chuckled: