Bovine Envy
STOP WATCHING THE HONEY BADGER VIDEO!!!
I know. I know. It is a glorious video. One that inspires laughter, love, tears, and all that jazz but you're acting a FOOL! stop watching it. stop!!
ok just once more:
But just that once. For while you sit and bask in the magic of the honey badger.... others across the animal spectrum plot a defamation... nay. A massacre.
Nononono wait.. don't go...
Keep reading.
I'm not crazy I swear....
remember? They're the ones that are crazy.
"Mad."
Remember this guy?
Now don't get me wrong. I love cow as much as everybody else who lives in my little neck of Yakivegas but when they plot a genocide of another species.... we need to have some words.
Suddenly these guys I have always always always loved despite smell, pie, and flies, are looking less like the lovable black-and-whites I tend to coo at, and more like giant Cow-Chuckies:
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What am I talking about?! What the hell am I going on about?
.......
......
Are you ready dear reader?
This is about to take a turn for the serious and the tragic.
While I have been here in America obsessing over BBC's revival of Doctor Who, Britain has been setting up for a real life episode of Doctor Who. One where the cows scheme and plot a way to destroy the badger race by tricking humans into doing it "for the greater good"...... of money. (Really, we'd do anything for OUR greater good, no?)
But seriously. According to the BBC:
"Badgers could be shot across England
within weeks, barring a last minute legal challenge.
The government says action is needed to help combat cattle TB, which costs the UK more than £100m per year."
So you're thinking. Wow. That sounds horrible but if it will save the cows who never did anything to those badgers then I guess that's not too bad.....
Think again. In Ireland they have been culling badgers for years with the same reason to reduce Bovine TB. Culling for years? They should practically be rid of the disease by now right? People shouting with joy in the streets and cows strutting around TB-free. Again, think again.. (well doesn't that sound awkward......) As the Badger Trust reports,
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"Bovine TB has increased by 13% in just one year in the
Republic of Ireland, despite the most sustained programme of badger
extermination ever undertaken in Western Europe... Yet in Northern Ireland, where no badgers are being killed, the disease
continues to decline." |
Not only is the badger cleansing not reducing cattle TB it appears to be making the situation worse somehow. Or maybe they're just not shooting the badgers fast enough? But of course, that's just in Ireland. Britain will be different. It will have to be because there's just no other way to combat this issue. It's for the greater good. And plus, everyone is doing it... Even the scientists say so...
Uh... science says false again:
"The proposed killing of wild badgers is a sensitive issue. A small proportion of wild badgers can become infected with the bacteria that cause bovine TB, and pass the infection on to cattle.
However, scientific studies have shown that culling would be of little help in reducing the disease and even suggest that it could make things worse in some areas.
Plans to begin culling in Wales were recently abandoned in favour of a vaccination policy. There are no proposals to cull badgers in Scotland."
Mmmmmk. Not everyone is having this issue, not everyone is handling it with bloody badger baths, and there's little to no evidence that this policy will help the issue. I mean it's clear. There's only one reason any of this could be happening.... and only the Doctor can help us from these scheming cow aliens.
Shh.... I'm sure they're watching us now....
Fuck.
